im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
