im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize