what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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