I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
