The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
