this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
