and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
