i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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