Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
