I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
