Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize