dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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