too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize