Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
