It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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