we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
