Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
