and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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