it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
