My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize