I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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