I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
