Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
