There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
