I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
