My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
