I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
