ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
