I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
