Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
