You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
