Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
