dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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