HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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