hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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