I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
