I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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