I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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