mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
