So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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