K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
