Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize