Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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