we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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