Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize