I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
