the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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