woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
