So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
