woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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