Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
