Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
