You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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