Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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