Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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