Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
