I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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