Life is so much better after having sex.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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