I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ttyl tear gas
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
