id be glad to
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize