dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my poor anus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
