hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
