so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
