The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize