I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
